when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
