Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
