after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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