Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
