im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Vodka?
Forever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
