just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize