what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
