omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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