Yo dont text me then not text me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
