Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
