So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
