She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
