Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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