so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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