mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
