The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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