K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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