he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
