That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
