This is not my ceiling
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
