hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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