Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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