porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
