I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
