i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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