I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
