my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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