guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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