Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Randomize
