Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize