I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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