Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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