Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
