Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
