I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
