I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
