Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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