The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
