i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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