i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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