My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
