I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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