oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
