somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
