You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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