we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
