I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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