Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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