first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
