census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
