the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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