I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
