I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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