Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
COCAINE IS GR8
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
