Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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