Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
