i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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