I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
