how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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