I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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