you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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