do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
