READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize