If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
