Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
