I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
