I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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