youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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