Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
