There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
