I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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