Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize