You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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