Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
