My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
