They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
