Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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