Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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